


To Be Who You Are

by Tarlan



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Character Study, Community: fanfic100, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-09-15
Updated: 2008-09-15
Packaged: 2017-10-21 19:12:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/228663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarlan/pseuds/Tarlan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Both John and Rodney had eighteenth birthday revelations but it took many more years before Rodney got the best birthday gift ever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Be Who You Are

**Author's Note:**

> **Happy Birthday, Dorie!**  
>  Thank you for letting me share your birthday present, which also meets Fanfic100 prompt #23. Lovers.

On his eighteenth birthday, with too much alcohol killing off innumerable precious brain cells, Rodney was given his best birthday present ever. The alcohol had lowered his inhibitions and his pain threshold, it had reduced his fears of being ripped in half, of having his gut perforated and his body torn, and he had just let it happen. He'd let Mikey push him face down on the bed, let him draw Rodney back until he was positioned on his hands and knees, his _beautiful heart-shaped ass so perfect_ , and he'd relaxed as Mikey pushed inside him, telling him how beautiful he was, how amazing. The pressure was strange and yet exquisite, pleasure dancing on the edge of pain as Mikey rocked into him; the hollow between Mikey's hips pressed tightly to the curve of Rodney's ass as he impaled him. One hand wrapped around Rodney's hard cock, jacking him in time to the thrusts deep into his ass, drawing him higher and higher until pleasure and pain coalesced into one amazing orgasm.

The Gates of Hell didn't open and he wasn't consumed in fire and brimstone but then, Rodney had long ago given up on the hokum of religion.

As far as Rodney was concerned, it was a win-win situation because he still liked girls. As he lay in a pleasure-sated, drunken heap with Mikey snoring in his ear, one hand still possessively tight on Rodney's ass, he calculated on how his chances of getting laid in the future had just gone up astronomically even though Mikey was heading back to Russia in the morning.

Mikey fucked him again the next morning, though it wasn't quite as pleasurable because he was sore from the night before, and hungover. Still, they had kissed sweetly as Mikey said goodbye, giving Rodney a whole new meaning to the phrase _kiss my ass_ as Mikey squeezed and caressed the firm cheeks--worshiping his ass with hands and lips and tongue.

When the American military came knocking at his door many years later, Rodney ogled both the good looking, dark-haired and very male USAF Major Harvey Danson and the equally gorgeous, red-headed Captain Jane Silman, almost wondering aloud if they'd be amenable to a threesome. He left the US military with no doubt of his bisexuality even though they must have known before approaching him. He loved pussy and he loved a man's cock up his ass, and if the US military had a problem with that then fine; he'd accept the offer from the Russians and go work with Dr. Mikhail Yerenov--Mikey--and perhaps rekindle that old college relationship.

They didn't want him working with the Russians then... though, strangely, they were not so bothered after the incident with Teal'c and the Stargate buffer.

Still, Rodney wasn't going to change who he was just to suit others.

****

On his eighteenth birthday, John paused in front of the USAF recruitment office, drew himself up tall and pushed open the door. By the time he left an hour later, he had filled in all the forms and signed all the relevant papers. It wasn't a matter of wanting to fly as his father was certainly rich enough to buy him a personal jet or a helicopter, and the pilot's lessons to go with the machinery. No. What he wanted was far more important. He wanted his freedom from an overbearing father whose only love was for his multi-billion dollar industries. Why the military? Because even his father couldn't buy John out of that one, not if he didn't want the scandal of the century lying right on his own doorstep with accusations of being unpatriotic.

The price of choosing this career was denying who he was; a rich man's son with an incredible aptitude for numbers, and gay.

Keeping close-mouthed about his roots and cultivating an interest in women became second nature after a while. If he did have the occasional relapse after a particularly hard mission, and found himself in a seedy back room with his cock buried in some nameless guy's ass then he made sure it was with someone who knew how to be discreet. Once the sex was over he'd pull out, wrap the used condom in a small, resealable bag and take all the evidence away with him without glancing back.

Flushing the used condom became part of a silent ritual, a small acknowledgment to the person he couldn't be while he wore the uniform.

The introduction of DADT changed nothing. If anything, it made it harder rather than easier because it brought the subject matter to the surface of everyone's thoughts in a manner that gave them no satisfaction, only increasing their frustration whether gay or not. It formed an undercurrent of distrust among officers and men, affecting the former camaraderie so even what was formerly a friendly pat on the ass became a suspicious act of latent homosexuality. The Canadian military had a better idea of bringing it all out into the open and saying--we don't care as long as you serve your country well.

After the incident in Afghanistan, John had far more to worry about than someone discovering his love of cock. The black mark on his record could have ended his career but, instead, he found himself exactly where he needed to be; alone without the stress of war raging around him. Right until someone tried to shoot down his helicopter with an alien squid missile.

He'd already decided to join the expedition long before he flipped his lucky coin in San Francisco. General O'Neill had made him choose during that short trip between the secret Ancient outpost and McMurdo. He was about to depart on what was likely to be a one-way trip to another galaxy and this could be the last chance he had to tell his father the truth before he shipped out.

Heads, he would explain the real reason why he couldn't stay married to Nancy; the reason why he might never produce an heir to Patrick Sheppard's empire. Tails, he would simply walk away through the Stargate to the lost city of Atlantis without saying a word.

It came down _heads_ but even facing down a Taliban intent on torturing him paled against the look of horror and anger on his father's face as John admitted the truth of his homosexuality. John walked away from that encounter with his father threatening to disinherit him, and with David too shocked from what he had overheard to make any attempt to follow but where he was going, Patrick Sheppard's money had no sway or power.

When he stepped through the Stargate, he was still the same man who'd shoved the true John Sheppard behind a wall in his mind, except here there was no seedy back room to ease the pressure of a mission gone wrong.

****

The day before Rodney's forty-second birthday and with a grinning Daniel Jackson standing extremely close by his side, General O'Neill made the announcement of the end of DADT and the acceptance of gays into the military without prejudice. On the day of his birthday John watched from the sidelines as Rodney accepted gifts from Teyla and Ronon, from Zelenka and even a painting from Lorne of the spires of Atlantis. Someone had convinced the cooks to make a cake for him (probably Kusanagi or Keller) and, for once, he graciously shared it after taking a big slab. It was _his_ birthday cake after all, he had exclaimed!

That evening, fortified by a couple of hard-to-get Molson's, Rodney stretched out on his double-sized bed--a gift from Teyla last year after he had moaned for years about his bad back and the stupid single beds in Atlantis. John was seated beside him, back against the wall and ankles crossed as they watched one of the new films sent through from the SGC during the last communication burst.

Rodney poked John on the shoulder. "So...where's my birthday present?"

John stared at him for a moment, taking in the flush high on his cheeks and his sparkling blue eyes. His own eyes dropped to the luscious, wide mouth that had fueled a number of fantasies over the years involving those lips and John's cock. John had a gift for Rodney tucked in the pocket of his jacket that hung on the back of Rodney's desk chair but he froze, mesmerized by the man lying beside him and the words still echoing through his head that told him he didn't have to hide anymore.

Rodney frowned, lips thinning in impatience.

"Oh for..."

He reached out, capturing John's face in the palm of one hand and leaned in, kissing him with none of the arrogance and pushiness that John had come to expect from Rodney. Instead, the brush of lips was soft and tentative, a question asked and, for once, John had the answer. He wrapped his arms around Rodney, drawing him on top as he devoured the sweet mouth, before rolling them both so Rodney was pressed beneath him.

The fumble of awkward fingers led to a scatter of clothing on the floor surrounding the bed, though how his stripy boxers managed to land and cover the laptop screen set up on a table at the far end of the bed was still a mystery.

The feel of Rodney's warm, naked flesh against his own was amazing; his hands smoothing over firm muscle and hard angles, fingers flicking over the tiny yet oh-so sensitive nipples that had almost broken John's resolve so many times during the years. Rodney tasted of beer and cake and something else undefinable but that was uniquely Rodney. Soft gasps of pleasure were music to his ears as he tongued at the now lube-slicked opening, loosening the small muscle with his fingers before crawling back and urging Rodney onto his back. As much as he loved looking at the sweet curves of Rodney's ass, he wanted this first time to be face-to-face, wanting to lose himself in the blue depths even as he sank into Rodney's body. He bent over and kissed the soft belly before sucking on Rodney's cock, fingers still pushing inside, readying Rodney for more.

Hands scrabbling at his hair forced his head back.

"Wanna come while you're fucking me." Rodney's voice was rough with desire and need, and John couldn't refuse him that request, positioning himself carefully before pushing inside the tight, velvet heat.

It was everything. It was perfection, and he wished it could have lasted forever but all too soon he was collapsing against Rodney, both of them wrung out with pleasure and too sated to do more than shove weakly until they were settled against each other.

"Happy birthday," John whispered against sweat-soaked hair, finally feeling at peace now he could be himself.

"Best ever," came a soft, awe-filled reply.

THE BEGINNING... and not The End.


End file.
